User blog:The Flatwoods Monster/Your Best Friend (Wondertale Ep. 1)
<-- Last episode : Next episode --> AN: i am not an artist and never will be, the pictures are just here so its not a clusterfuck of text, reserve judgement opening here in case you missed it and have no clue what the hap is fuckening go read tk's battle here we go ---- *You've fallen. *You don't know where you are. A small field of starches seems to have broken your fall. *Ahead of you lies an intimidatingly lengthy dark hallway, with green arches at the end signifying an entrance. *With no obvious better options, you decide to investigate. *Past the dark, brooding corridor, there lies an even darker room inside, lit up only by a hole in the ceiling with sunlight pouring in through the crack. It shines down onto a green spot of grass, with strange vines and roots pertruding from atop it. A shrill voice calls out to you. *All right there, poppet? *... *it's a talking potato. *Beyond the insulting absurdness of the situation, the talking potato has a friendly aura to them. *Hm. I don't recognize you, I don't think. You a newcomer, then? *You nod your head in agreement. *Figured as much. Don't worry about it, love, I can teach you how things work around here. *Huh? My name? *Um... *Bob...dave. *Bobdave! Bobdave the spud. *(holy hell what a terrible fucking name) *Nevermind all that! Here we go! *See that there heart? *Despite looking completely like a fucking heart, that's the SOUL. The very essence of what's keeping you ticking. *Should something terrible happen to it, it'll break, because it's weak right now. *In order for the SOUL to git gud, you'll need LV. *With LV, you'll die a lot less. *Don't have any LV, darling? Don't worry. Your ol' pal Bobdave has got it covered. *Around here, LOVE is shared through these, uh... seeds! Nice, healthy potato seeds. *Essential to your survival, and an excellent source of potassium and vitamin C! *Here they are, grab as many as you can get your hands on! *Whoops, hand, that is. Sorry about that. *On his cue, Bobdave is surrounded by a half-circle of strange, white pellets. Not having any reason not to, you guide your SOUL towards the pellets. *... *An immeasurable sting surges through your body. Your health drops from 20 to 1. *You have a sneaking suspicion that you have been made a fool of. *You silly bitch. *Never heard of stranger danger, then? *Well, this was anticlimactic. Thanks for the free-be, pal! *Quick tip: Around these parts, it's hurt or BE hurt. *Yeah, yeah, a bit late now. The more y'know. *A ring of the aforementioned pellets surround your aching SOUL. Nobody is happy with this. *Potatoes are grown from roots, not seeds, dumbass. *Die. *As the bullets slowly close in on your near-shattered SOUL, you contemplate the decision to trust the talking, British potato. *It was, in fact, not your best. ---- ending note: thanks to neo, jude, wonder and legion for helping with this pre-posting. thanks to jude for being okay with my offensively terrible british stereotyping and to joe for teaching me offensively terrible british stereotyping Category:Blog posts